Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just want nice things and good sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
