Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
