I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the day after is always just damage control
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
