How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize