doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
