i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
