they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
