I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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