So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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