Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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