we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
