Your tits are I can't wait for
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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