I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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