that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
