Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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