I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
