This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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