you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
