I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
