Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
