Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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