i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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