So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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