how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
