and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
