It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
