so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
