I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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