these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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