I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no, he came in my armpit
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
