This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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