She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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