I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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