So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm both gender and math confused
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
