Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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