I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
