he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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