Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
