He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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