did you get engaged???
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
