she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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