How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
