I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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