Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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