No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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