Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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