At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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