I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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