I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
