you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
