Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
