i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
