He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
